Ed finally cracks
by Ecc0
Summary: Ed is finally fed up with being called short and if you think he already was mad when he got called short well I guess you can say he has gone insane R
1. super sticky crazy glue

A/N- Okay, this is my first fanfic so plz oh plz review. I hope you like it! O and I haven't seen the whole series so if you catch any mistakes in my story you are free to correct me. This is the all grammatical correct version of my fanfic I would like to thanks to hpluvas applause thank u so much for your help!

Disclaimer- I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters.

Ed and Al returned to Central after another failed attempt to find the philosopher's stone. Ed was really pissed off considering: 1) They didn't find the philosopher's stone, 2) He got kicked out of his hotel AGAIN for being a state alchemist, and 3) He got called short for like the eighth zillionth time in one week. To put it all together, he had to walk up to that colonel bastard and tell him how much he failed. AGAIN might I add. Oh, and right when he walks into Roy's office, he is sitting behind a huge pile of papers. He doesn't pay attention to Ed until he slams the door shut.

Roy looks up from his papers and asks (clearly seeing Ed by the way) "Who's there?"

"It's Ed."

"Oh, sorry Full Metal, I didn't see you there. You're too SHORT to be seen." said Roy in a teasing voice. 'Oh, I love making fun of Full Metal!'

"THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!" shouts Ed. "I WILL MAKE ALL OF YOU BASTARDS SHUT UP ABOUT MY HEIGHT PROBLEM!"

"So what you gonna do about it Full Metal?" asks a still teasing Roy.

By this time Ed was getting this crazed look in his eyes, and Roy just realized at that moment (a bit too late might I add) that he had finally pushed Ed over his little thin line that kept him sane. 'Oh shit, I really messed things up now.' thought Roy.

"I'LL MAKE YOU PAY! I'LL MAKE YOU ALL PAY!" Ed shouted as he wildly looked for something to shut that colonel bastard up, and then he saw it. There on Roy's desk. Super sticky crazy glue…..

Five minutes later

Riza sees Ed run out of Roy's office with what she thinks is glue. She goes into Roy's office to see how everything went between him and Ed when she sees Roy tied up to his chair with papers and all sorts of things glued to him and his mouth filled with a lot of glue. Now as you can imagine, this was a really uncomfortable situation. To help Roy or not to help Roy. In the end, Riza just shrugged her shoulders, left, closed the door, and put a little "Do not disturb" sign on the door. 'He probably deserved that anyway, and I have wanted to do that for ages,' thought Riza.

Right I know it was so bad, but plz RR!


	2. Vanilla Wafer Machine Gun

**Ecco:** Okay I would like to apologies about me last chapter being so short but-

**Ed:** who the hell are you calling short!

**Ecco:** I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU! bangs Ed over the head with a

Metal baseball bat. As I was saying I tried to make this chapter as long as

I could

**Disclaimer:** I own neither Full Metal Alchemist nor any of its characters. ARE

YOU HAPPY NOW!

**Chapter 2**

After Ed's little incident with Roy he felt like he could go for a round a vanilla wafers (for those of you who don't know what they are they're just like the best cookies in the world!) as he walked toward the market he was still pretty instable and was just looking for someone to attack even if they just looked at him wrong. But fortunately he made it to the market without ripping any heads off (because I'm sure that in the mental state Ed was in he would have torn off many heads).

Once at the market with about 800 bags of vanilla wafers in his hands (Yummmm…starts drooling vanilla wafers.) That is when Ed spotted him. It was Hughs with a piece of paper in his hands. 'Oh no' thought Ed 'It's Hughs with more pictures of Alicia. Even Ed wasn't insane enough to look at more pictures of Alicia or even to put up with Hughs.

'Okay' though Ed 'just move away slowly maybe he won't see'

But it was too late, Hughs was already heading in Ed's direction with that face on his face. "Hi there Ed, don't you want to look at my BEAUTIFUL daughter Alicia! Ya know she is only four and she is already TALLER than YOU!"

Just then if possible the crazy look on Ed's face got even crazier.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE WITH THE BIGGEST MAGNIFYING GLASS IN THE WORLD!" screamed Ed.

"But I didn't say--" stammered Hughs

But he was cut off when Ed dropped his 800 bags of vanilla wafers and a transmutation light appeared and Hughs found himself face to face with a vanilla wafer machine gun.

'Oh shit' thought Hughs 'I better start running.'

But unfortunately for Hughs this again was realized o late.

"MUAHAHAHA" laughed Ed (and in case you did not realize that was supposed to be an evil laugh)

And Ed fired a steady stream of vanilla wafers start into Hughs' gaping mouth and crouch. So now Hughs was writhing on the floor holding his privates in extreme pain and he had more than a mouthful worth of vanilla wafers which was also extremely painful considering all this was shot at him by a machine gun from a couple of feet away.

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Ed again, "I told you I would make you all shut up! DIDN'T I TELL YOU?"

Now Ed was in such an insane state that he was just shooting at anyone or anything that got in his way.

On a TV somewhere

"We are here live at the market place watching some breaking news unfold" said a pretty anchor woman named Tiffany Naf. "So what do you make out of this situation?" she asked her Peter Sedivaneb.

"Well" he started "This is definitely something you don't see every day"

"Now as you see here there seems to be young, according to our sources, vanilla wafers in a machine gun and has now hospitalized 29 who are in critical condition," said Peter.

"With us in the studio is a witness who has seen this story developing" said Tiffany, "would you care to tell us how this whole ordeal started?"

(The following is said in a VERY high pitched broken voice) "Well" sobbed a very broken up Hughs, "I was just showing him a picture of my daughter" and then it began, again and he pulled out the dreaded picture in order to torture the whole world.

"ISN'T SHE JUST THE CUTTEST THING IN THE WHOLE---"

All of a sudden a big whole appeared and Hughs was sucked through it and there was Tiffany with her finger on a big red button that said "Press in case of lunatic" (The rest of the dialog will be said in a normal voice)

"Okay moving on we now have the identity of our mad man that is shouting up the streets" said Tiffany. "Yes apparently he is a state alchemist by the name of Edward Elric or better known as the famous Full Metal he is fifteen years old and is ONLY FOUR FOOT FOUR! (I'm not exactly sure of his height if you do know please tell me thank you ) OH MY GOD HE IS REALLY SHORT!"

Unluckily for the people at the studio Ed had seen that comment on TV and was now rushing at full speed toward the studio.

"Okay moving on to other news-"

But peter was cut of when a furious Ed ran into the studio swinging his trusty vanilla wafer machine gun wildly around.

"TELL ME WHO THE HELL IN HERE CALLED ME SO SMALL THAT YOU JUST HAVE TO SQUSH ME TO TEENY TINY BITS?" screamed Ed

Every one instantly pointed at the two anchor men because obviously they didn't want to be attacked by this mentally instable teenager, I mean come on who would?

After five minutes of furious firing from Ed and his vanilla wafer machine gun there was practically nothing left of the studio.

"And that's all for today's news at seven on channel seven" said a very beat up Tiffany.

"See you tomorrow and good night," said an equally beat up Peter.

Than as they were about to be carried of into the ambulance they looked lovingly into each other's eyes and started to make out (that is for my two good friends out there this particular part was inspired by there love)

**Ecco:** Please review any comments questions anything just please oh please review! Thank you


	3. bananas sword

**Ecco:** Sorry it took me awhile but I have been pretty lazy lately

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing but the plot Okay!

**Chapter 3: Banana Sword**

A couple miles away from all this back at Central pass the locked door of Roy's office we see Roy still tied up to the chair but well you really can not see him because now he has just become a giant blob of papers, pens, pencils, staples, and a vicious rabies infested cat (Hey how the hell did that get in there sweat drop). He had also some how got himself stuck to the ceiling.

Okay that is enough of Roy lets just leave him there who knows maybe someone likes him enough to let him down (ya right!) but Roy is not the star of my fan fiction this vicious rabies infested cat is starts baby talking to some scary ass cat. Okay let's see how Ed is doing.

Ed walked down sidewalk muttering to himself as the sky began to darken. People stared at him because he was ranting on and on and he had the smell of vanilla all around him and it was really strong like choke to death if you got to close strong like OH MY GOD I AM GANNA DIE strong (damn now Ed got me to start rambling on and on and on and….).

"I'm not short" said Ed to himself sternly, "I'm tall, ya I am tall! I'm as tall as… as… Yow Ming (for those of you who don't know any basketball players he is the tales person in the NBA) "no I'm taller than that I'm as tall as Paul Bunion" Ed continued to go on and on and the objects he said he was as tall as became bigger and bigger. "No am as tall as a building, the empire state building, the statue of liberty I'M THE TALLEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE, TALLER THAN ANYTHING ELSE!"

Ed was so into his fantasy that he didn't notice Envy until he was right in front of him and began to talk.

"Hey you piece of shrimp that is so microscopic that you are accidentally run over by the same car eight times because you're too small to see" said Envy.

"……Hold on a second you took my line. I was supposed to say that!" said Ed

"Wait let me see" replied Envy

And out of no where Envy pulls out a script "Okay lets see (this is Envy reading to himself okay) Ed was so into his fantasy that he didn't notice Envy until he was right in front of him and began to talk. Oo0h then I'm supposed to say…. Okay I got it now" said Envy.

Ecco: **sigh** "okay let's take this from the top now" (damn actors think there so tough and mighty never study there line you just want to smash them starts trembling uncontrollably deep breaths just like the shrink told me in ….. out ….in …. out)

"Hey little boy isn't it let for a little boy to be out so late without his mommy?" said Envy.

"Who are you calling a piece of shrimp that is so microscopic that you are accidentally run over by the same car eight times because you're too small to see?" Yelled back Ed.

"I said I would make all of you shut up and I will because I AM EDWARD ELRIC THE TALLEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE!" screamed Ed, "you made one big mistake you know that Envy?"

"You know that's really hard to belief because I am so much smarter then you" replied Envy with much confidence in his voice.

"I know your one great weakness though, you are allergic to…" but he was cut of by Envy.

"NO I AM NOT LLERGIC TO ANY THING YOU KNOW NOTHING OF MY ALLERGIES!" shrieked Envy.

"Bananas" finished Ed (bet u didn't see that coming)

"NOOOOOOO!" screamed Envy

And with that Ed turned a bundle of rotten bananas in a near by cart in to al large banana sword that smelled really, really bad since it was mad out of rotten bananas and all.

In one quick swift movement Ed struck Envy right across the face and in mere seconds Envy had a sever allergic reaction. His face became red and his whole body began to swell like a balloon and then he started to float up and up into space and he continued to get bigger and bigger until he was the size of the Earth and finally he exploded into a thousand teeny Envy who made there on civilization and were on the way to attack and take over the Earth when the didn't look both way crossing the galaxy and were all squashed by a giant meteor. (I know I know it is the biggest run on sentence in the universe but I am getting tiered and lazy so ya deal with it)

"MWAHAHAHA the tallest person in the universe strikes again!" and with that Ed hopped into a really nice car (I let you guys decide because I can't remember the name of the one I am thinking of) and drove of in a flash.

Xxxxxxx

Ecco: pleas review know or else points vanilla wafer machine gun around threateningly hope you liked it!


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